Stories and Soup

Since my post called "Story of my Life" God has not stopped talking to me about stories. Actually it probably started even before that with "Show me Your Glory". I wrote about how in the old testament when Moses was leading the people of Israel through the dessert towards the land God had promised to them, God got angry at the people because they were basically telling Him that they didn't want him and his ways anymore. So He was telling Moses that He wasn't going to go back on His promise, they could still move on the the promised land but He wasn't going to go with them (Exodus 33). I wonder if this was almost like a test for Moses. Because I really believe that, although the promised land was a physical place that God promised to Abraham, it is also a spiritual reality of closeness and rest and friendship with God (Hebrews 4). I wonder if He was testing Moses to see if he would be happy with just the physical place or if Moses heart really wanted God himself. Moses came to a place where He had to make a choice about what direction this story was going to go. He could chose to be satisfied with this and continue towards the land with the people and without God's presence. It would still be a little adventure with a decent reward.  But Moses decided instead that he didn't want just a nice little story with a manageable ambition. He wanted a story that couldn't be written alone, that couldn't be possible without God, he knew the existence of the nation of Israel would be empty and meaningless without God himself. He knew his own existence would be meaningless without God. He preferred to abandon the story altogether if the quest was not led by God and with Him and to Him. So he refused to go on. He told God that if He didn't come with them they wouldn't move  And then when God agreed to come along Moses showed Him what his heart was really traveling for. Moses wanted to know God, he wanted to see Him and know His name and His character and His ways. He wanted to know who "I AM" was and He wanted to be where "I AM" was and know what "I AM" could do. He knew that would be a story worth living, an ambition worth giving his life leading a nation of stubborn people for. Isn't is true that the reason we study Moses is not because of what he did, lead the people out of Egypt, but that he sought Gods face and God spoke to him face to face like a friend. And isn't it true that the nation of Israel is not significant today because they made it to the land that God promised but that the tiny insignificant nation is in fact still here today and still fighting for their existence and that God is still with them, writing a story that will testify to the world that the LORD, He is God.

I think we are all familiar with the art of "getting by", but what about the "art of losing myself in bringing You fame"? Ive been reading a book about this idea of stories and what makes a good story and what kind of character you want to be in your story etc etc. (A Million Miles in A Thousand Years) One thing Donald Miller describes is that there is a difference between a good story and a great story. A good story is nice, people like it, they can identify, its funny and enjoyable. But he says a great story is different, favorite stories have two important elements regarding the ambition of the character : it must be very difficult to attain; and the ambition should require sacrifice. In the best stories the character should have to sacrifice his life for the good of someone else.
I had to agree with him there (and a lot of other places in the book). My favorite movies to watch are the epic ones where Frodo is practically killed by his quest by the time he destroys the ring, to save the whole of Middle Earth. Or okay take the Hunger games, a lot of life at risk there. I mean isn't Twilight even along these lines? The stories we get the most worked up about are the ones where someones life is at stake and the prize is nothing short of saving the world, each other, or the love of whoevers' life.

As my heart has been opening to this idea that God is writing my life like a story and that it has ambition, direction, and purpose; I have begun to notice that at some points along the way I have a choice to make in the progress of my story.  I can decide to aim myself more for just the physical temporary pleasures. I can create goals to arrive at certain levels of success, and there is nothing wrong with that. But I feel the Author asking my heart if I want just an ordinary nice good story or  if I want the extraordinary one that He has written in his heart and is always waiting to lead me in. The one that "No eye has seen or ear heard or heart ever even dreamed" the one that is "abundantly more than I have asked or imagined" the one that includes "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a hope and a future". And my heart says "yes yes yes! I want it and nothing less, I want you and nothing less!" and then He answers, "it will cost you your comfort, it will cost you your idea of safety, it will cost you your temporary earthly pleasures, it will cost you your heart. Your very life. If anyone loses his life for my sake, he will find it. If anyone will come after me he must deny himself, take up his cross and follow me. You will have to lay down your name and take up Mine."
It reminds me of where the title of my blog comes from, homesick for holiness. Holiness is my aim because thats what Jesus wants for me, because He knows its what is best for me. Intimacy with Jesus is my hearts desire, because his love is written on my heart. I cannot settle for less than a story wrapped up in pursuing Him and His face and His heart and His ways and His love. Because I was made for it. And it's a story of risk and learning and hurting and falling and running and missing and dyeing and living and loving. So I'm with Moses, Im not moving unless you come with me! I quit unless it is all about you! Its all about You or else its just not worth it.

Hear O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all of your heart, with all of your soul and with all of your strength.

...And the Lord commanded us to observe all these statutes, to fear the Lord our God, for our good always, that He might preserve us alive, as it is this day. 

You said this to keep me safe. I try to keep myself safe in my own story, safe, comfortable, and in control, but there I die and my story fades into anything but memorable. For it is only in your will that I am free, only in your story. Only in your glory that I am alive and my story is moving and worth watching.

 I am not made to survive, I am made to thrive.


So that brings me to soup. What? yepp. Because I just described a pretty epic story. I just described what I claim to be the purpose of my everyday life. To know God, and to love Him, and to make Him known. But life doesn't feel so epic these days. It has at times, I like my story. I treasure my testimony, how God called me and helped me obey him and then showed me his peace and his love his grace and fellowship with His Spirit. I love how he has taught me, how he has changed me. I have real experience, real encounter with the living God to share. I can sing, Jesus Jesus how I trust Him, how I've proved him over and over. His spirit is water to my soul, His words are bread to my body, His face is my light. His promise is my hope.

When you said, "Seek my face" My heart said to you, "Your face, O Lord, I will seek. Do not hide your face from me. Do not turn your face away from me in anger. You have been my help, Do not leave me or forsake me, O God of my Salvation...

I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

Psalm 27

I also recently read Pilgrims Progress. Christian would agree with me that although the journey of living for God is awesome, there are valleys and seasons that don't feel as exciting. They don't feel full of life, it doesn't feel like winning. It feels like soup.
I was telling my now official friend, Elisa, how this chapter of my story has felt like yes God is teaching and I hear things and learn things and am on a different word or idea every other week. It's "thankful" or "wisdom" or "gifts" or "light" or "simple" or "hope" or "holiness" or "story"...but nothing seems to sink in and really come out of my heart. It just all goes in and swirls around. We thought maybe its like soup. Like God is adding all the ingredients for a good story, a tasty soup, and its just simmering inside, getting ready for the moment when it can be ladled out and passed around the table for all to enjoy. Like all these things that God is putting in me, they make me who I am. They are not random and they are not purposeless.
Another thing she said that stuck with me (besides the soup) was the simple fact that God is still just as present during seasons of waiting and simmering as He is during the climatic times of our lives when things change and you can feel and see it all. He is still writing the parts that seem boring to us. And he actually isn't bored with it. Which is what we are sometimes afraid of i think, like oh man if I don't get myself together quick God is just going to get sick of this and move on to someone else. The crazy thing is that I think he might like this part the best of all. The part where he is developing our character and bringing all things together for the next climax. I kinda picture someone who is passionate about cooking, or creating; they love the process! They actually enjoy the mess of everything all over the kitchen and this goes in at this time and this flavor works well with that one. Or like when I'm sewing and I just have buttons and thread and fabric and patterns all over the floor. Its a mess but I love it. Or like a writer, they have a story in mind and a place where its all going but they have a whole book to write while characters are developing and plot is twisting and every things getting set up. Hm, its like playing Settlers of Catan. Winning a good game of settlers is such a great feeling, but it wouldn't be if it weren't for the build up. When you know you have 9 points but one of them is hidden so everyone else thinks you only have 8. And you almost have all the right cards you just need one more number rolled and you get it and you're waiting for your turn and your brother is also close and his turn is before you and what if he gets what he needs! Its intense. and its exciting because of all the play that goes on before that moment. God is setting up, he's adding ingredients, he's putting the pieces together, he's working the plot, and he's loving it.
I think when we stop and believe Him, acknowledge his presence, search the dark with eyes of faith, this moves his heart more than ever. I think He can't wait to break through the wall but He is waiting for the opportune moment when our hearts are ready. But in the mean time I think He is so blessed by our weak love that holds on and doesn't give up. He knows what is coming. I think if we can trust and believe He loves it we might begin to love it to, and surrender the last bits of control we hold onto and embrace inexpressible joy.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, 
who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away,reserved in heaven for you, who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.
In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be,you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, whom having not seen[a] you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, receiving the end of your faith—the salvation of your souls.
1 Peter 1

Tonight I was listening to Brittany share some of her story of the past year of her life. How God has accelerated her process and brought her into a place of peace and rest and freedom in Himself. How He has transformed her mind and placed her in a community where she can passionately pursue His face and will. She was overflowing with it. "It" being just i don't know just that awareness of "I am right where God wants me! and His life is the best ever!! I love Him! And the parts of me that don't love him or aren't surrendered will be because He is faithful and He is here." I caught my mind wandering and realized, like okay she was sitting in the chair next to me at Starbucks but thats not where she was at all. She is at home, she is with Jesus, seated in heavenly places.
But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace we you have been saved), and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, that in ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness towards us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God. 
Ephesians 2:4-8

In the same moment I felt extremely homesick. Homesick for holiness, homesick for intimacy, homesick to know and see Jesus as He is. Homesick for Him. Homesick for what I was listening to Britt describe. But all still in the same moment, I felt God tell me to dream and try to imagine what home with him is really like. His home inside of me and my home inside of him. Him living here on this earth through me and me living in heaven with him. To set my face towards home and fully believe that I will see His goodness in the land of the living. Because the story He is writing and loving far exceeds the dreams of my imagination. And the story He is writing brings me home. 

Now I saw a new haven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away. Also there was no more sea. Then I, John, saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. 
And I head a loud voice from heaven saying, "Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people, God Himself will be with them and be their God.
And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away. 
Then He who sat on the throne said, "Behold, I make all things new." And He said to me, "Write, for these words are faithful and true." 
And He said to me, "It is done!" I am the alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. I will give of the fountain of the water of life freely to him who thirsts...

And the Spirit and the bride say, "Come!" And let him who hears say, "Come!" And let him who thirsts come. Whoever desires let him take the water of life freely
He who testifies to these things says, "Surely I am coming quickly." Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus!