I say to you, "Arise"

Passion. (noun) 
1. The impression or effect of an external agent upon a body; that which is suffered or received.
A body at rest affords us no idea of any active power to move, and when set in motion, it is rather a passion than an action in it
2. Suffering, empathetically
3. Violent agitation or excitement of mind

My friend Beckie mentioned this opportunity to go to the Passion Conference a few months ago and it was  kinda one of those things that I thought, why not? A bunch of 18-25 year olds who love Jesus and want to be filled with his life and on fire for his purposes all in one place, away from the routine I've found myself in lately and a chance to spend time with my cousin...sounds like an opportunity for God to speak that I don't want to miss. I had a couple hesitations, like I've been to a LOT of conferences and sometimes it feels like okay just another chance to get all excited just to get home and have things kinda flatten out again. But I decided that that's silly and that God can speak anywhere, not just especially at a conference but even at a conference with lots of people, and that's what I want: to hear him.
So my hope going into this little adventure was not some crazy high but just that the Holy Spirit would deposit something in my spirit that would bring me to a place of consistent everyday dependence on and communion with Jesus. Something to bring the everyday this, that, and the next thing to LIFE.

So Kari and I headed to Atlanta, Georgia, prepared to kinda figure out transportation and all those little details as we went along. God provided a place to stay that we didn't have to pay for, through the willingness of a lady who lived half an hour away from the dome and offered to pick us up late every night and send us off in the morning with breakfast and snacks. He also blessed me with getting to see my friend from DTS who I hadn't seen in 2 years, Will! All the little details went smoothly, we were very well taken care of and probably got the best sleep out of any of the 45,000 people who were there (yea, 45,000).

Ive started to realize something about myself. As much as I love to travel and love to get out there into a new environment and things like that..I also don't really like it haha. I mean its not comfortable for me, I get excited about the idea and everything but then when I'm in a room with SO many people or in a country far away with not so many people who understand me, or in a school that teaches me new things, something really intense rises up in me. Sometimes when the Holy Spirit speaks it feels great, but other times he rocks the boat, and upsets the fruit basket (idk haha) and this girl freaks out a little bit inside.
Im not going to be able to explain this all the way through because I don't totally know what it is yet or what it means but ill try to get more specific at least.
The conference was about freedom. freedom and slavery, life and death. These words, these ideas, realities, are very black and white. There is no mostly free or kind of  dead. There isn't a lot of room for "well I feel like" or "i think maybe" or "i just don't really know." Which is where I've moved in and settled down; in that gray place of maybe, kind of, mostly, and sometimes. little example:  like in personality tests and stuff like that where you have to pick; always, never or sometimes, I ALWAYS want to pick sometimes haha. I have to force myself to think differently and go to one extreme. Often in my walk with God when he wants to put his finger on something  that is not aligned with him, its one of these gray areas, this apathy, this unsureness, this insecurity, this unbelief. And that's when everything in me rises up to defend because I know that is going to hurt, that is going to be scary, that is going to cost me my comfort. (Someday I will learn what I always see after the surgery is complete: Oh it's just because he loves me! and its gonna be so much better without this!)
What he brought up at this conference again was actually that the unsureness, insecurity, etc is obviously not life, obviously not freedom, so it actually IS death and it IS slavery.
It may be comfortable and seem safe to live there but in the end its death and it is slavery to fear and pride and selfishness.
Jesus didn't stop a funeral procession in Luke 7 to half raise someone from the dead.
Then He came and touched the open coffin, and those who carried him stood still. And He said, "Young man, I say to you, arise." So he who was dead sat up and began to speak. And He presented him to his mother."
He didn't say "arise" for a few minutes and then just kidding, "carry on with the dieing you were doing."  I mean thats just stupid.  Jesus raises the dead. He is the way, the truth, and the LIFE. God himself, through Louie Giglio, challenged me the first night to admit that I was on a kind of stretcher, and the devil was taking me outside the kingdom; stealing, killing, and destroying all that God had given me as long as I let him convince me that my weakness and inability are greater than Gods power and love. It sounds kind of intense and I always try to shy away from that but really that's reality, "the gospel is about who you are trusting for your life right now" As long as I have more faith in my weakness than in his strength, I'm going in the wrong direction.

There was this place set aside in some areas of the conference center called "kneel". Kari and I went there during one of the breaks to just spend some time with just God. I started reading Galatians 5:

"Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage...You have become estranged from Christ, you who attempt to be justified by law; you have fallen from grace. For we through the Spirit eagerly wait for the hope of righteousness by faith...You ran well. Who hindered you from obeying the truth? This persuasion does not come from Him who calls you...For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use your liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another."


And then prayed..
Jesus, I know who hindered me- who hinders me. I ran well, I was standing and then got entangled again in the yoke of fear. I know this word, and I've carried it around for the past year like a heavy burden, like a mean master. You warned me about it and here I am, enslaved to it. Im scared of you sometimes, of your punishment, I'm scared of what you put inside me, what you ask of me and want for me. Im scared of never being good enough, never belonging, never changing. Its uncomfortable to be in a place where its assumed that I'm free, that I'm clean when I'm not. Like HK/ China, hearing that message over and over again. In the tension of you and me, your holiness and my dirtiness. Your freedom and my slavery. You wash me and I go right back to the slave mentality. Like today, you washed me in your word, but like Beth said- if only I could be clean and never forget that I am clean. If only I could arise and never lay back down, believe and never fear again. Follow and never turn back.
I don't think you call me to an up and down life like this. That persuasion does not come from you, who called my name. You are not yes and no, you are yes and amen in Christ Jesus. You aren't sometimes and maybe, you are I am.

"But as God is faithful, our word to you was not Yes AND No. 
For the Son of God, Jesus Christ, who was preached among you by us was not Yes and No, but in Him was Yes.
For all the promises of God in Him are Yes, and in Him Amen, to the glory of God through us."
2 Corinthians 1:19-20

I looked out onto the plaza where they were constructing this hand with all kinds of prayers for people all over the world who are in present day slavery. I thought of in genesis when God had to destroy the tower of babel and disperse the people because He knew that when a generation is united in one purpose, they will succeed. They were constructing a tower to try to be as powerful as God, or at least thats how we've interpreted that story. But now I saw a generation united not in pride to be greater than God, to somehow get to him by their own means and strength; but coming in humility, a hand reaching up out of the ground pleading with God to free his people. And the awesome thing is that He isn't up there going "oh man, i don't know, maybe I can, maybe not, sometimes ill help, i might decide to come through this time, I'm just not quite sure." No, he's like YES! Thats what I want! Thats my will! freedom! Those are my kids, those are my special treasure people, and they came to the right source, they came to me :)
I think the answer lies in uniting my heart and mind to humbly reach up to my Father, in weakness to be made strong, in fear to be given faith, in bondage to be freed; dieing to my selfishness to be resurrected to His life.


So this definition of Passion? Ive been thinking that it should be coming from me somehow. Like I should feel passionate about something, enough to move me to action. But no, its a generation made up of individuals so free from the slavery to sin, to fear, to lies; who instead chose to be bondservants to a God who so impresses His heart on us that we are violently agitated by what he feels and our minds are so excited by His heart that we are compelled to act on his behalf.