Let it be mercy

Lately a quiet prayer surfaces quite frequently.
 It's simply, "I'm not able".
Sometimes it gets more specific like, "I'm not able to communicate the way I want to/need to", "I'm not able to love you the way I'm meant to" "I'm not able to approach you freely" "I'm not able to keep myself organized and have time for everything that always seems to seem like too much" "I'm not able to know and love others the way I'm supposed to" "I'm not able to think straight"
"Im not able, I'm not able, on my own"

As not so happy and positive as that sounds, its actually true and not meant to sound all negative and depressing. Its actually been quite uplifting and encouraging. The other day I was setting myself to spend time with God and I had an overwhelming sense of "I can't. I am not able to come to you clean, I'm not able to make myself worthy. I can't get rid of all the wrong motives or selfish ambitions or resistance to real surrender. I just can't clean myself." All I could think of was all the sin that may or may not be going on in myself and separating me from Him. And right after that the song came to mind that says,
When you think of me, let it be mercy.
Don't remember me according to my sin
But remember me with compassion
When my voice is heard around Your throne
Let it strike Your heart with love alone

When You think of me
When You hear my name
When You see my face
Let it be mercy
(misty edwards)

It occurred to me that while I have been trying to mature, trying to draw closer to God, trying to become more like Him, my goal has been to reach a point where I will be good enough to be in relationship with Him. I will someday just be close with him enough that I deserve a place near him, that I have earned a place in his presence.
This will never actually be the case.
Suddenly mercy became a very precious word.
His mercy is new every morning and needed every morning. I love mercy!

Let not mercy and truth forsake you;
Bind them around your neck,
Write them on the tablet of your heart,
⁴ And so find favor and high esteem
In the sight of God and man.
Proverbs 3:3-4

The truth is, on my own I will never be able. But mercy is Jesus, always making a way. I can come to Him just as I am and present myself as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to Him, and His righteousness (right-ness) becomes mine, and as I cling to Him, I can enter into relationship with my Father. Its not a step I have to complete before spending time with God, its just a reality and an invitation to love Jesus because of His great worth. 

Because of what God has done, you belong to Christ Jesus. He has become Gods wisdom for us. He makes us right with God. He makes us holy and sets us free. It is written, "The one who brags should brag about what the Lord has done."
1 Corinthians 1:30-31 NIRV

When He hears my voice, small and weak compared to the worship that is going on around His throne,  it is with steadfast love and mercy that he invites me in.